he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Randomize