That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Randomize
