Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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