Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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