I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I hope mine doesn't look like that
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
