your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
time to smoke my breakfast
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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