Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
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