Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
