I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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