he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
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An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
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I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
tell me about the fingering