I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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