Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
