We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
