Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
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