im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
