I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Randomize
