Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I am naked and annoyed.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
