i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
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I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
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Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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