you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Randomize
