Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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