No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I fill condoms, not promises.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
