now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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