i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
