i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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