I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
So many bounce houses so little time
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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