dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
