I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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