i just google imaged poop.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
