I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
