Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
