shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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