I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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