Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
