I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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