I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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