Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
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