just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
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