The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Randomize