Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
