My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
