At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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