so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
So gin and wine won't be happening again
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Randomize
