Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize