"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
