he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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