I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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