Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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