I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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