So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
i think i have two assholes
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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