Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
