My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
