forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Randomize