You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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