Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
now i know why i became what i already was.
even my farts smell like vagina
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
