I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My vagina just recognized that song.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
