On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
