Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
