I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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