youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
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