What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
