his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
