So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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