Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
