Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
Randomize
