And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
