I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
