Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
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Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
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You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
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