Michael Bay diarrhea
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
